My, My, Ted, You Are One Articulate Dude.

Life as a blogger has so few rewards. We toil and type, read and weep and sometimes, just sometimes, those of us in the uh, lower echelons of bloggers, are able to bask in the glow of an Instalanche or a link from some other big site. I've had my share from Slate, from NRO and others like Dean Esmay and Joe Gandelman.

I have yet to achieve the grace of being knighted or skewered by Kos or Atrios (to whom I have been unable to attach a trackback), but I can hope; I'm especially looking forward to what the comments would look like. But alas, none of the big lefty blogs has seen fit to link to this site, yet.

But then again, the other day in a post about the "dumbness of politics" I tried to answer a rhetorical question from Glenn Reynolds. As part of my illustration on how politics has lately been twisted into some compromising positions, I tossed off a sentence that probably should have gone unnoticed:

But we want our politics simple so we end up getting simple-minded politics. We can't deplore Bill Bennett's self-proclaimed monopoly on morality and see that the last imbroglio he has gotten himself into is balderdash. We can't side with the Democrats on much of their agenda and realize that they have made it virtually impossible for them to run a credible candidate for president.

There are quite a few conservative bloggers openly talking rebellion against the GOP, or at least Bush, which has delighted the left to no end. Those lefty bloggers can now sit back and sneer I-told-you-sos and in true Ted Rall fashion, portray Bush voters as stupid and sinister all at the same time.

Two days later, I notice on my stats page that a site named www.tedrall.com/rants.html has linked to this post. I stared at it for a minute or two until I realized that it really was Ted Rall. And he was a little testy:

Bloggers Can't Make up Their Minds

A blog called bloggledygook references me as someone who puts down people who voted for Bush:

Those lefty bloggers can now sit back and sneer I-told-you-sos and in true Ted Rall fashion, portray Bush voters as stupid and sinister all at the same time.

Well, far be it from me to shy away from the characterization someone who doesn't read much of my work has for me. So yes, I'll fess up: Anyone who voted for Bush is a Goddamned fucking idiot. Fuck them. Why progressives should suck up to such morons instead of ridiculing them as they well deserve--which, incidentally, might remind them to think more carefully the next time they exercise their franchise--is beyond me.

On the other hand, Bernard Weiner lists me as a "journalistic hero" for standing up to the Bush regime's attempt to loot the treasury while destroying American democracy and personal freedom.

Oh, well. Back to the Bush voter-bashing cartoons for this week.

The first thing to ask is, how does Teddy know that I don't read much of his work? Is he following me? And if so, why? Or has this gift to American political discourse invented some spooky mind-control ray that monitors every single activity of unsuspecting readers? Well if so, Ted it ain't working. Because you have no idea what I read.

And really, Ted, did you Google yourself to find this post? You did, didn't you? How many times a day do you conjure up your own name to see how many people have mentioned you? A little love starved, are we? Well, here you go, a big bouquet of Teds Rall:

Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted Rall Ted

Hope that helps. Now that I think of it, maybe Ted rightly assumes that very few people would actually bother to read his trite, monotonous comic strip or his term-paper quality commentaries. And I suppose that he would be right. After all, he missed the very theme of the post that he linked to. See, Ted, the idea is that it's very possible that I agree with you on some important points. But you're just too unhinged ever to take a breath and realize that your rabid hatred and your juvenile inability to look at complex problems without coming to the exact same conclusion every time limits both your audience and your message. That is, if you have a message other than that everyone who didn't vote for John Kerry last time around is... what was that? a Goddamned fucking idiot? Man, I wish I could write like that.

On an average Instalanche, a blogger can expect to receive anywhere from a few thousand to over 10,000 hits in about 24 hours. Other sites are impressive, also. Links from Dean and Joe are getting more robust and NRO is approaching the point where a link from The Corner gets it's own name. I imagine that a link from Kos or Atrios would be comparable to something from Glenn. My biggest 24 hour haul from Instapundit was somewhere in the neighborhood of 13,000 hits. That demonstrates that Glenn attracts a huge number of readers, because he posts and links many, many times during the day.

Well, Ted is way in the minor leagues. In the last 36 hours or so I have received, hmmm let's see here... uh, 63 hits. Wow, Ted, you the man!

But the count isn't what's so impressive. It's Ted's command of the English language and his laser-like focus. Okay, that's not it, either, even if he has managed to get himself lumped, by at least one blogger, with lefty writers who actually think, like David Corn, Greg Palast and Kevin Drum. (Then again, the list that Ted links to is rather large and he gets lost in the shuffle. And the list itself is impressive in its size. Who knew there were so many lone voices?)

I think that I know what ails Ted. He can't tell the difference between engagement and "sucking up." This affliction is usually understood and even indulged when one is, say, a sophomore in college, but the spitting, incoherent rant wears off after a while for just about everybody but the ranter himself. And Ted also fails at ridicule time and again. Ted, ridicule is when you make someone else look foolish.

So the onslaught of a link from the left has yet to materialize. I sit here working and waiting, working and waiting, hoping that someone with some influence and some readers will send some of that blogger love on over here, even to rip me a new one. Too bad, Teddy, it isn't going to be you.

UPDATE: Welcome Instapeople! And thanks, Glenn, for proving my point.

Also, trackbacks don't seem to be working. I'll do me best to list those who link here.

First up: Stupid Random Thoughts.

Bob Krumm.

DallasMike. I'm shivering from the prospect of a Stingraylanche. Bring it on.

Brutally Honest.

Lou Minatti. Which has to be my new favorite name.

Laurence Simon. Bless his gentle soul.

Instapunk. I would like to thank the academy...

Ken Wheaton.

Comments

[Jack Tanner]

Nothing says 'progressive' like calling people who disagree with you Goddam fucking idiots. I mean it, nothing does.

[Ken Begg]

Per Mr. Rall: "Why progressives should suck up to such morons instead of ridiculing them as they well deserve--which, incidentally, might remind them to think more carefully the next time they exercise their franchise--"

The idea that we might be dissuaded from voting as we would for fear of drawing the scorn of people like Ted Rall is...sublime. Comedy of the highest order. Frankly, I'd be worried if I did something that he wouldn't scorn.

If only his strip were that funny. Or, now that I think about it, funny at all.

[DallasMike]

I linked to your story from my blogsite. If you think that you get a lot of hits from an Instapundit post devoted to you, just wait and see what happens when all my readers drop in and give you a look-see. You'll need extra bandwidth.

And what is it with Ted Rall's Generalissimo El Busho thing? Drawing Bill Clinton in his underwear is funny because there's a ring of truth to it. Drawing Bush as a crazed, moronic dictator doesn't even elicit a smirk.

Hey, Ted -- we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you!

[Bumpy Light]

It's good that someone like Ted Rall exists. His no-holds-barred cartoons serve as a warning to decent people that the loony left is truly loony, and should be kept out of office at any cost.

[Mike]

Great post.
And this is priceless... "Ted, ridicule is when you make *someone else* look foolish."

[Victor]

Sixty-three hits? That's it? Pitiful. The blog where I talk about my pet rats got a fullofcrap-alanch one day--700+ hits!

[jumbo]

One need only to consider that Ted Rall continues to be emploed by WaPo to know what a truly vicious lefty rag it is at heart.

[rastajenk]

I wonder why you give Greg Palast credit for being a lefty thinker, though. I've never seen any evidence of that.

[Daniel]

I don't agree most of the time with Palast, but I do regard him as someone who uses his brain. Also, Oliver Kamm comes to mind.

[Eric]

I can't understand the argument that the party one votes for is an indication of one's intelligence. (OTOH, one's wisdom could be correlated.)

Maybe I'm a self-deluded possessor of excess intelligence, but it seems to me that there is a diminishing rate of return for intelligence. Exactly how much IQ must one have to be successful/happy?

Maybe Ted Rall is not smart enough to know he lacks the ability to know why others do not act like he does. Or maybe he is so brilliant that he has excess intellect in a world (and a profession) in which it is a waste, and it is this that makes him so nasty.

[Nathan]

And Marc Cooper.

[Maggie45]

"Maybe we all just project what we aren't. Indeed, some of the most violent and narrow minded people I've ever known were anti-war folks."

A big AMEN to that!! They're scary.

Great post! Thank you.

[DBD341]

Bush approval rating dips to 39 percent - poll

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/10/12/AR2005101202289.html?nav=rss_nation/special

-Go gripe at them...

["Your" Maggie]

You never send ME flowers anymore....bwhaaaaa!

[K T Cat]

Ted! Quick! Put down that keyboard and run for the wilderness! Did you know that some of the people who assembled your PC, your car and your dwelling (even if it is a cardboard box down by the docks) were...gasp!...conservatives! And they're morons, too! Why, they're so dumb, everything they produce is probably dangerous by itself! Your car will likely explode tomorrow due to the stupidity of some conservative UAX assembly line worker. It's not like they've climbed far enough up the evolutionary ladder to actually use tools correctly!

No, the only solution is to do everything for yourself. Food, water, clothes, housing, it's all got to be made by you. That's the only real way to protect yourself from the GD F'in morons.

Looking forward to your blog in 2372 AD when you've managed to single-handedly achieve the technology required to begin your (important!) work once more,
KT Cat

[cathymv]

Man....I read a lot on the blogs... and other than the horrendous koz kidz and atrios... I have never heard of ted rall.. let alone read any of his stuff.. but.. if the above is an example of his rapier like wit... I'll pass.

good post....and i've book marked you for future reading....

see ya
cathy :)

[TedN]

I was very surprised recently to see that Ted Rall has a strip in Mad magazine. It was about what you would expect. Don Martin he ain't.

[Rich]

Maybe it was Mark Twain who said:

"Those with nothing to say usually say it the loudest"

[triticale]

On the side topic of Instalanches, I would like to report that there is also something one might call merely an Insta rock slide. When I hosted the weekly Carnival of Recipes a couple of weeks ago only about 350 Instareferrals were logged by Sitemeter and Awstats. People generally follow links because their interest is piqued, and not because "Heh,indeed" has magical powers

[Daniel]

triticale:

Shhhhhhhhhhhh!!! He'll hear you!!

Now you've done it. You've gone an angered the gods. This is like the last scene in It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Now I'm going to have to go out and get an extra chicken to sacrifice.