Rita is now due to hit Saturday morning. Where, nobody knows. But that doesn't deter the cable channels from repeatedly telling us that Rita is, or was, or I dunno, maybe sometime or another, the third, or something like at least in the way upper ranks of storms ever. Like forever.
How does anybody know this, exactly? And, really, who cares? It's a big damn storm heading into a big damn area where there are thousands of people, already scared sh*tless by the 24 hour Katrina coverage, pushing out of coastal regions onto the Texas highway system, some no doubt with no idea where they're going, some heading out into the middle of what has become a rolling Super Dome, some saying, "Screw that. I'm staying home." At least with the open air quality of this exodus, we might be spared more news anchor talk about how nasty a few tons of confined excrement is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there is a very good chance that this mother will not hit where everybody said it would hit, uh, yesterday. Disasters have a way of happening away from the very point of human attention. There's gonna be some kind of hootin' an' a hollerin' if it turns out that this time authorities made everybody bug out too soon. The collective reaction to anybody who's not currently residing in the general region of the western Gulf of Mexico pointing any goddamn finger at anybody down there for anything should be to sit down and STFU.
So what do we know? Tuesday, we were told that Rita is due early Saturday morning. Wednesday, the story firmed up to inform the world that Rita is going to come ashore early Saturday morning. Yesterday, meteorologists and those who imitate them on screen issued dire warnings that Rita would slam into Galveston, Houston, maybe up east a bit more, possibly Port Arthur or even Lake Charles, LA, but definitely it will be sometime early Saturday morning. Now we can finally report the revelation that Rita, the bitchenest freakin' stoh-um of this and all time, will rip the Texas coast, or Louisiana, or Texas and Louisiana...
Early Saturday Morning!
Meanwhile, every news wank who just days ago was popping Cipro in New Orleans to bring us yet another update of how bad the Big Easy stinks, is now standing around the beach in Galveston telling everybody still there how freakin' stupid they are. Oh yeah, and don't forget, before Rita--that bitch--smacks you in your stupid, stupid mouth, write your stupid social security number on your stupid arm in ink. Because you're just too stupid to do anything without super brave news people giving you advice.
Another prediction: some whack job will spew a yarn that Rita was orchestrated by the Bush administration to smack Texas--when?--Early Saturday Morning. Why? To take away all of Cindy Sheehan's press. Which is a bit of a reprieve, I suppose. Maybe the right wing religiosos have a point. Maybe Katrina and Rita is God's way of telling us not to pay any attention to Cindy.
But it will be interesting to find out what reason God had for whacking Texas. We knew that New Orleans had it coming, but Beaumont? What did Beaumont do to God? Still, Texas is home to George W. Bush, so we can at least hope that College Station somehow will get a little wet.
It turns out that the place to be in late September is where Cindy Sheehan spent August. In a Texas ditch.
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