In a bid to open new markets and establish a foothold to battle EU regulations, Microsoft founder and evil overlord reportedly will soon announce that the company will mount a hostile take over of the country of Ukraine. Gates is said to be preparing now, in light of the announcement by President Viktor Yushchenko that the richest man in the world would be named to the country's Advisory Investment Council. This reportedly is something that Gate would rather have kept under wraps, evidenced by the lack of news coverage of Yushchenko's formulation of the Council.
"We all know what Bill's up to," sneered Oracle CEO and Gates rival Larry Ellison on board his $27 Million yacht, Insane Conceit. "First he buys Ukraine. Now you know he's going to go after Georgia and Kyrgyzstan. What's to stop him? If he can get his hands on Poland and maybe Slovakia, he can waltz right into Brussels by 2010, 2015 at the latest. I hate his beady little eyes."
Part of he deal seem to be a trade that sweetened the deal for Gates. In addition to acquiring the title "Most Merciful, Powerful (and not to mention not at all Nerdly) Ruler and Master, Gates will exchange his wife Melinda for Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko. When asked why he would agree to such a deal, Gates reportedly quipped, "Have you seen Yulia in a muff? Ye-ow!"
What news accounts exist make the whole thing look fairly innocent, which is the obvious sign of a cover up. There is no word on the new name for the country, but some have been kicked around including Gatesland, Microkraine and Windixie.
In related new, Gates buys Nepal.
(Hat tip: Maggie)
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